Money Trees is the Perfect Place for Shade


The rain dripped down off his forehead. No time to wipe it off he had work to do. It also didn’t help that both hands were taken, one holding him up, while the other desperately turned the wrench.

He’d originally brought a headlamp he stole from his friend who used it for midnight runs. She’d told him running at night in the dark trails freaked her out, so this was the purchase to combat that. He understood, but still didn’t think looking like a minion from Despicable ME was going to stop a sexed nut homeless man from going after her double sports bra’d sweater puppies. But what did he know, he was only part of the itty bitty titty committee.

The steel of the wrench clanked against the metal structure. Wrrick Wrick Wrick DUNK The third bolt dropped to the ground. “One more to go,” he thought. The sign was loose enough it could slide around into a 360. He’d wished he brought some sort of snips so he could just cut the damn thing off and call it a night. But fuck, it was around 3:00am when he left his apartment. He was in it for the long haul.

The last bolt was the hardest to break loose. “Shut up little bitch! Be humble! Break loose! Be Humble!” he sang out, just like with the first three. Every time he sang, it got him more and more excited about this adventure. Every morning since he moved he would see the sign up in the air on his way to get coffee and every day he would start singing one of k-dot’s songs. You’d have to, he’d tell the homeless lady on the corner. Kendrick is the last real rapper left.

POP! The bolt started turning. “I Said I’m GEEEKED AN I’M FIRRED UP!” he screamed in the night. He threw the sign down and began his decent. His arms felt like jello but he made it down in one piece. No small feat considering the amount of Skyy he drank earlier. He was soaking wet and barely able to move his arms, but inside he felt like Russell Crowe in Gladiator. Surprisingly no cops, no beggars, and, nobody even saw despite how busy of an area this was. He reached down like a girl wearing a mini skirt and picked up the sign.

It read “Lamar Street.”


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