Apologies Apologies

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I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that our boss said that too you. The same boss who’s a vice president and worked at a giant company for 40 years and somehow has the social awareness of an autistic 5 year old who just learned to form sounds. I’m sorry that for whatever reason he loves the micro-management style and loves to either dump or transfer work to only a chosen few that he trusts. I’m sorry I’m one of the few.

I’m sorry that you got a call from your Son and stormed out so fast that I didn’t have a second to talk to about what happened. I knew you were upset and wanted to at least attempt to calm you down. I’m sorry that you told me once that I reminded you of one of your sons. I’m sorry your not the first attractive 40 some year old co-worker I’ve had who’s told me that same thing.

I’m sorry that I’m smart. Unfortunately for my sake my old man is really smart too but you wouldn’t know it because of all the drinking and drugs in his system at any given time. I’m sorry that for whatever reason some of the high IQ genes leached into the load that inseminated my mom. I’m sorry that I learned at the young age of 14 how to be successful at work. How to place my entire personality in a box, and leave it outside the office for 8 to 10 hours a day and only retrieve it when it’s time to go home. I’m sorry this is a learned behavior from a child who grew up in a broken home and just wanted attention. I’m sorry this is one of the reasons I hate a corporate job so much.

I’m sorry that I grew up poor enough that my parents couldn’t afford to pay for my college but also rich enough that Fasfa didn’t help me out any. I’m sorry I had to bust my ass in school, for a major I love, only to get 60,000 dollars in debt and realize I hate doing it for a living. I’m sorry I’m working crazy hours to get out of debt so I can quit and go back to working with people more, instead of a cube farm where I hear stories about the wild weekend at Tractor Supply.

I’m sorry I don’t talk to more people at work. I have a very natural outlandishly blunt personality and the idea of possible HR torture that would ensue when this comes out frightens the shit out of me. I’m sorry that you actually understand this on some level and you have become one of the few people I look forward to seeing everyday. I’m sorry people cut you off during your stories about Colorado, your old job, or your granddaughter. I legitimately love the mental vacations I get to take when hearing about these things. And I’m sorry when we get into long conversations and get rudely interrupted.

I’m sorry that you and I are the best dressed ones in the entire floor. I’m sorry that Grey and Evelyn think they can give us a run for our money. But let’s be honest here, I bring the heat with my stylish leather jackets and you make those black wedges look effortless (yes the ones with the buckle). I’m also sorry neither of us has ever verbally acknowledged this to one another.

Look this isn’t a confession of love where I want some kinda creepy Ms. Robinson type fantasy. Not even close. I think you’re a real person, who’s passionate about what you do and has tenacity to attack something until you understand it. It doesn’t matter how much the odds are stacked up, you still get in the ring. Not only do I admire that, but I’ve become addicted to it. That attitude has gotten inherited through osmosis and has kicked my ass into gear in the past few weeks.

But the thing is, I’m not afraid to say when I fucked up, or when I see an entire situation is completely fucked up.

Honestly I’m not afraid to say that even though I know our boss is an asshole, who doesn’t understand that constantly joking about firing you isn’t okay, and neither is taking work away from you so you don’t have anything to do. Despite these things and more about this place I didn’t list, I still don’t want you to quit.

Also and most importantly, from the honest to god bottom of my heart,

I just wanted to say,

I’m sorry.

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