Featured Blogs that Get More Views than Mine: Become a Civil Engineer

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The other day I was peering around the reader and came across this gem of a site entitled “Become a Civil Engineer”.

Being in this field, I decided to see what insightful knowledge I might have missed on my journey.

I clicked on the first article entitled “How to become a Civil engineer”. Not to my surprise it was a load of horseshit. Like literately I could gain more knowledge from looking at horseshit on the subject because I could at least understand something about soil, which I’m not sure if the author know, has something to do with being a CE.

The article comes out swinging “What do I do in College to prepare to be a civil Engineer?” Basically you spend the two years dicking around with easy classes that you should’ve already took in high school but said fuck it. Why would anyone take the hardest fucking classes in the last year? I mean for fuck sake you have to apply for colleges, figure out financial aid, play sports, find time to drink, tell the one girl you like how you really feel about her because she’s talking about going to MSU and you know there is no way you can get in. So you end up fucking yourself playing catch up for the next two years. Your poor but you at least have some some sort of social life. Then you finally get into your major and your class size gets microscopic. It’s harder to sleep. All the profs know your name. You sit through retarded four hour lectures about how cement dries. All the girls that were there a year ago are gone. Poof! Vanish into Supply Chain. Mother Fucker, this is ENGINEERING. All you have are trogliadies that are either named Helga or speak some crazy foreign language you can’t understand. Your social skills go to shit because your constantly alone, listening to broken English, and conversing with people on the spectrum. All you talk about is how to change something from the time domain into the frequency domain in order to obtain an understanding about ferro-resonance. Finally the day comes where you start sitting in for interviews and your pissed when they ask, “So what are your hobbies outside of Engineering?”

“What is the Job potential and pay for civil engineers?” GREAT! it says with demonstrative writing. Great is subjective statement. Great is what you tell your waitress when she interrupts an important part of the conversation to tell you about the desserts, which apparently are also “Great”. Great is what you tell your girl after it took her 45 minutes for you to splooge man mayo in her mouth. Great is also the word you say to yourself when the feeling of her sandpaper lips constantly interrupt your fantasy of the chick in Yoga class with the green Nike sports bra. But you don’t tell her, because, WELL DUH, you still want to keep receiving more. Bad head is greater than no head. The reality of Great is you make a bad ass GROSS salary. Shit anything is better that 7.25 an hour. After student loans, 401K, health, dental, taxes, apartment, electric, moving, you realize you make only $300 more than you did before school. Not to mention, they own you know.  Salaried employees never get overtime. You work weekends and holidays. You’re cubical becomes your home. Oh you had plans to play soccer this weekend? Sorry but we’re sending you to bum fuck Oklahoma to get yelled at in the Oil fields by meth heads with 4 teeth who make more than you, know more than you, but still jealous of you because your job has more social status then theirs.

“What are the different things I can do in a Civil Engineering career?”  Apparently there are seven disciplines but none of which get listed. I’ll help you out; googling calculations, getting training about how to do calculations, getting yelled about about how these calculation are wrong, correcting the calculations, submitting these calculations, getting yelled at about how these calculations won’t work in the real world by field employees, getting thrown under the bus about these calculations, and learning how to cover your ass so you don’t get thrown under the bus anymore about wrong calculations. The last one is the most important. Because no one does real work. Successful fokes don’t do real work. Wanna be successful? Just learn how to take credit and pass blame. It’s white collar 101. I was a dumbfuck in college and took English instead.

Summary: 8 out of 10. I’d visit it again.

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