I ran late to work the other day because I decided to get some Naked juice. I mean, when you spent the majority of your early 20 with an apatite of unprotected sex, Vodka, and Newports, you gotta do something. As I’m heading back to my car, I hear a loud voice.
“Hey! Hey Man! how you been? Been a while!”
Normally I wouldn’t stop but he seemed pretty sure of himself. Plus, I’ve been know to get thrown out of a few places and keep the party going in the parking lot. So I played along.
“Yea it a minute. You still downtown?”
Now I had him thinking.
“Yea, well you know me. I gotta keep moving and grooving. Roll with the punches. Say man you got a few dollars?”
And there it was ladies and Gentleman. A well done Homeless sales pitch. This guy had a future in the rock business. All he had to do was follow Notorious’s commandments.
“Sorry man I don’t have any cash on me.” Actually not a lie. I’m a millennial. Cards are a huge blow to the homeless grind.
“Yea that’s cool. What’s you got? Juice? SHHHIIIITTTTTT” His face changed to disgust.
“Yea I know why you’re drinking that and wearing them glasses.”
Now he my wheels turning? What the fuck his he talking ab-
“YOUR ON THAT HEROINE AGAIN! YEA YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! YOU GOT YOUR WHOLE FUCKING LIFE AHEAD OF YOU”
……..I honestly didn’t know how to respond. All these thoughts raced through my brain. I shouted out the first one.
Yea I’m okay with that one. But I needed to follow it up something else.
“Uhh Sooo Nice, to see you?”
“YEA WHATEVER! YOU BETTER RUN! LITTLE BITCH!”
That was my cue. I slammed my car door slammed open and pealed off. The entire drive to work I thought,
“Do I look like a Junkie today?”