Swiper no Swiping


“Can I ask you a question?”

That’s always an interesting thing to hear when you first meet someone. The anticipation afterwards killed me. Best to bask in it for a minute and take a few guesses. Maybe it’s ‘Could you date a women with a dick?’ or ‘I just won a shit ton of money and don’t know what to do with it all, do you want some?’ You really never know.

“Sure go for it,” I said. Her eyes poked out a bit. She was a sweet girl. Definitely seen some shit, some of the scars came through in her personality. But hadn’t been 100% through the wringer like yours truly. A lot of guys get turned on by that innocence. They want to keep the girl safe from all the shit out there. Not me. I feel the most at home with a yelling match about how the rent money was spent on coke. Times like those is when you really know who you’re dealing with.

“So why did you swipe right?” she asked. I blanked. I should’ve seen this one coming. Everyone wants to know what you see in them. I still wasn’t sure what to say. Realistically, I swiped right so many times on dead ends it gave me arthritis. My pictures suck, I’m a hobbit among Texans, and I have about $2.33 currently in my checking account. But I’ll still put my personality up against anyone within the DFW area. It’s just hard when I only get 20 seconds face time.

I spoke, “Because CLEARLY you are the easiest girl on Tinder.”

She spit up her wine laughing. I ordered another beer.

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