You’ve Got Mail


When Dan got home he checked his mailbox again. No black dot. He let out a sign of relief and locked his 2016 Eclipse. A nice mid range sports car he’d given himself for turning 54.

It was quiet, like it always was. The way he preferred it. He walked inside, placed his shoes in the spotless shoe cubbie he cleaned twice a week and switched on the lights.

“Dooo Dumb Dumb,” He sang. “Dee Dee Dee Dum.”

He tapped the warn out preheat oven to 350 and dug through the freezer. “There it is!” He yelled. The ice made a scrapping noise as he grabbed the Stoufer’s Lasagna. Spinach and whole grains. A smile came across his face, he was finally entering the healthy lifestyle.

He floated over to his computer chair and shook the mouse. The screen popped up the exact same place he left off before work. It was a forum called “Suspicious minds, Now Awake.” A few clicks and he began typing away.

“I didn’t see one yet today. A total of 67 days straight. Looks like nobody is on to us Comrades!”

He pushed over the half empty bottle of Jergens and grabbed the fully packed bowl. As he took a rip, the oven began to beep. “Time to make the doughnuts!” He said to himself. He got up and attended to the needs of the Lasagna.

On his way back,  the computer flashed. “NEW REPLY!” It was Abbie-HoffMAN3620 a favorite poster of his. “Me either comrade. I’m glad to see it! You never know what the damn Roth Childs are going to come after us!”

Dan took another rip of the bowl. “Your damn right Abbie. Can’t be too careful,” he Thought as he began to scroll through more threads.


“Dude stop being a Bitch!” Steve said.

“I’m not man. It’s just you know him. He talked to me for 2 hours today about this shit. Like I couldn’t even think about what I was doing.” Brad answered. Clucking the door handle.

He continued, “I mean you’ve met the guy. He’s definitely a little off.”

“Yea but he’s also a DICK BOSS! Remember how he MADE YOU go into work for your Mom’s Operations? Like What the fuck?” Said Steve.

“Yea your right. Fuck it. Let’s get this bitch!” Brad said.

The rusted camry’s door creaked as it opened. Brad shook the Sharpie a few times as jumped out of the car.


The next day Brad walked into work and Tom was stocking the beer cooler. Always a funny sight to see a short 63 year old on a step stool. But Tom was a funny guy. Plus, every time you saw him a bonus was near.

“Strange to see you here this early boss. Leading another managers meeting today?” Brad asked.

“Hey! There he is! Nah brotha, no meeting. But I need to give you a heads up.” He climbed down the latter in a serious face.

“Dan never showed up this morning. I went by his place and it was a mess!”

“A mess? That doesn’t sound like him.” Brad said.

“I know the whole thing is really weird. I mean no warning. No notice. Shit the son of a bitch took off so fast he didn’t even close his mailbox! Haha you believe that?”

Brad gulped.


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