Featured Blogs That Get More Views Than Mine: Life and Dreams of an Unchained Heart

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About a week ago my phone buzzed erratically at 3:30 am. I’d been having trouble sleeping the past couple weeks anyways, due to the slaughter-fest of people getting laid off at my job. I assumed it was L, a girl I’ve been seeing (who is normally awesome but is cruising for a muff punch lately) but to my surprise it was a notification of someone liking my post. Before I could put it back down, the phone vibrated¬† again and again.

This went on for a half hour straight. Rather than learn how to turn off the notifications on my iPhone, something that should be easy for an Engineer, I decided peek over at her site. It’s the least I could do. Not only did she read every post, but she left a few comments. Kudos. I’m sure she’s aware, this is how Darbis E Cashed likes to give back to the WordPress community. So without further ado.

The first thing I did was read over the comments she left. I was completely dumbfounded! This girl CAN FUCKING WRITE! Holy shit! I think I might be in love. For someone who spent the better part of last Sunday night getting verbally ass raped at a writers critique, it was definitely raised a tired eyebrow. I get excited for these kind of descriptions.

I suppose telling her that you jacked off while waiting for her response probably wouldn’t have gone well, but a pile of cum on the floor is essentially what this woman turned out to be.

Yikes! Harsh. I’m 5’6″ with giant balls and a Napoleon complex to match. I live among Texas amazon women who literally rock a one step per sidewalk square stride. To some of them I physically don’t enter their mind space, probably similar to how the Giant felt about Jack before the whole bean stock incident. I get ignored a lot both online and in person, but yet have never referred to any women as a pile of cum. I don’t know, I guess I’m old fashioned that way.

Clicking over to the About page I learned a lot. She’s a New Yorker (had a hunch from the comment), a total plus in my book. I love east coast people, most honest motherfuckers you’ll ever come across. I’d rather have that than this fake southern hospitality bull shit I’m surrounded by.

To me this girl is living the dream. Has a part time gig. Gets to write all day. Doesn’t have to deal with questions around the coffee pot like “How was your weekend?” when you know Frank from accounting just wants to tell you about his Daughter’s 3rd grade play. The mother fucking dream! But reading further things get interesting.

She’s bipolar and navigating her way through the online dating scene.

…….And now you have all my attention.

I dated a girl who was bi-polar once. At least I think she was, she might of just been crazy. I don’t know, I’m not a doctor. But it was a wild ride to say the least. One moment she would be tearing my clothes off, trying to snap my cock with her pelvis. And a few hours later, she’d be leaving sobbing voice mails about how she had no one in her life and “really needed me to pick up the phone or else I’D COME OVER THERE AND BURN YOUR FUCKING PLACE DOWN!” Naturally I had to let that one go. It was just a bit too much for me. But I will say she was hot. They always are. And I’m willing to bet Ms. Shattered Wishes is not too bad on the eyes either.

In all seriousness, I know how hard dating can be. Shit I’m just starting to get to the big 3-0 and feel like I still have a lot to learn. I’ve dated in damn near 20 of the 50 States from all types of girls on the socioeconomic spectrum, with all types of backgrounds and as anyone can tell, I have a pretty hard time with it. And, well fuck, I’m just polar. I can’t imagine what adding another level of difficultly that on top of that could do.

So I truly mean it when I say, good luck out there Missy. I tip my hat to you. But honestly, I think I’m going to need more of that luck than you do. Your posts read like you have a pretty good head on your shoulders, probably better than mine. If you ever find yourself in Texas let me know, we’ll go on a random online 4 way date and make it really awkward for the other two people.

Thanks for reading my dumb little blog about jerking off to tinder pictures.

Overall: 9/10 Would read again